If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
