these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
