very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
