Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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