I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
