ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
