I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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