apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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