I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
