Having a random hookup so left but love u
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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