I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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