South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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