So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
