I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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