I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize