okay pat passed out under dana's car
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
