Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
