There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
