apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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