The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
