I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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