I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
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She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
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You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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