how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
So apparently I’m into choking now
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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