i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
