what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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