Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
