3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
