You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
