please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
