somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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