dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize