how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
