I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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