ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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