Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
