I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
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