So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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