The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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