Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
