I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
