I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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