for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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