I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
