The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
