Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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