shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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