So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I queefed so loud it echoed.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
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