btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
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