remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
