and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I just gift wrapped bread.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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