FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
