two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
