I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
More tranny stories later!
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
