suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I am midnight drunk by noon
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
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he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
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You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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