distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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