You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
It's blow job season.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
