Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
