Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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