I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
