I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
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He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
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and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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