I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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