I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Randomize
